CONFUCIANISM AND THE FRIEND-FRIEND RELATIONSHIP

Previously, we have seen the importance of hierarchy in the Confucian system of ethics. In the friend-friend relationship, however, rank and age take a back seat to faith. What is important is for friends to trust each other. When a friend gives advice to another, the recipient should expect those opinions to be sincere. This is especially vital between teachers and students. The teaching of moral principles requires efficacious delivery, and such is mostly possible when the spirit of mutuality is present. Students are bound to listen to teachers they respect and admire. The latter earn that respect and admiration by having the best interests of students at heart (Wei-ming, 1993, p. 191).

The possession of virtue entitles a person to respect. Those who become knowledgeable and virtuous have earned the right to equality if not superiority in a relationship. Tseng Tzu, one of the most revered disciples of Confucius, would not accept a summons to the king’s court while addressed as a common subject. He demanded proper treatment before acceding to the request. If the king was willing to learn, then and only then, he was willing to teach, honestly and earnestly. Mencius conducted himself in similar fashion with the rulers he encountered. As an independent and courageous thinker, he would not hesitate to criticize the king or those around him for their moral shortcomings (Wei-ming, p.192).

For Mencius, being a friend meant a lot more than just sharing food or drink on certain occasions (Wei-ming, p. 192). A true friend is concerned with the material and spiritual welfare of other people. He or she wants to help others in the primary Confucian project of self-cultivation. Therefore, there is no shying away from teaching or criticizing fellow friends, as long as a person does it constructively and with good intentions. Friendship blooms under such conditions. It is a nice thing to see friends traveling together in this journey we call life.

I agree with Confucianism that a relationship based on trust must exist between good friends. I also agree that teaching and constructive criticism should form part of a friendship when there is true concern for each other. A question that needs answering is, “How do we determine who has more knowledge and virtue in a relationship?” In other words, “Who should teach whom?” In most instances, either the difference in intellectual and moral capacity is obvious and the prior questions have an easy answer, or both parties have similar capabilities. In the latter case, ert* who has more expertise in a given field or the best arguments should be the teacher. Thus, depending on the matter at hand and the arguments on the table, sometimes a person may perform as teacher and other times as student.

For our own protection, we should seek proficiency in those fields that are vital to our well-being. Religion, politics, and business come to mind. Ideally, we should be able to distinguish wisdom from foolishness when people open their mouths or put their thoughts down on paper. To do that, we need to become wise ourselves.

*ert is a gender-neutral article. Instead of saying, “he or she who has more expertise in a given field...,” I say “ert who has more expertise in a given field...”

Bibliography: Wei-ming, T. (1993). Confucianism. In Arvind Sharma (Ed.) Our Religions (pp.141-227). New York: Harper Collins Publishers.

Suggested Reading: Ercian Testament - Part Two, chapter 12 “Leaps of Knowledge.”